I don’t know when it is that you feel most alive, when you’re down in the dumps or when you are in your element and bouncing around. Life opens and shuts in chapters and every chapter is a challenge. But nothing has been as bad or good or whatever it is. Black and white has grey, good and bad does not have a satisfying equivalent.
The last few months have been trying to say the least, terrible health, life changing decisions, work, now college and people to deal with. I have gotten myself into innumerable rows and locked horns with everyone that mattered. My temper has been on tenterhooks and my mood swings at their swinging best. I wish I had time to cool off, but everything and everyone is piling up and I do not have the time to sort.
It takes immense motivation from within the self to smile in the face of anger. You can smile at troubles or pain, but anger just spins out of control. There are times when I can’t think because I am so angry with myself for having messed something up. Being a perfectionist and wanting everything easy yet perfect just does not work. I am walking on the edge of a blade, I don’t know how deeply and how painfully I will be cut in two.
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